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(no subject) [Sep. 4th, 2005|10:18 pm]
[mood |highhigh]
[music |Tupac- Wonder Why they Call You Bitch?]

its memorial day weekend and im not even supposed to be here. i missed my fucking train to orange to visit pd this weekend because i didnt have my ID card and they wont sell you a ticket without an id card. but the monkey ass clerk told me i could board the train that was stopped at the station and it would leave in ten minutes and that i didnt need an ID to ride the train and to buy my ticket at the machine outside. so i go and buy my ticket from the machine and turn around for the train, all of which took about 3 minutes of frantically trying to do this shit, and the motherfucking choo choo is taking off.fuck.i was so close. oh well. so instead im pondering on what to do tonight.whether to smoke my quad and drift off into an endless,pensive state of mind.i think about all the people i used to know. all the names i used to know.and i barely remember them. i remember their houses and their mothers, but i dont remember themi.i think it would be self fullfilling if i went back and said something to these people i used to know.it just kills me knowing that at a time in my life, i spoke with these people on a regular basis,spent hours upon hours in the company of them, and know i dont even remember them.or i guess i could whip up a nice drink of southern comfort.and watch like resovoir dogs or something.one of my goods friends is going to jail pretty soon for a while.its really the first friend of mine that is seriously getting locked up.i guess thats what 2 dui's in 6 months does to you.my neighbors dad has been in prison since he was 4 years old.its really nuts.i've been going to the beach atleast 2 a week now. ususally just down to oceanside.oceanside is unreal. last time we went when i was waiting in line for little caesars i watched some mexican steal license plates off a civic and then walk over to another different civic and put the plates on.and i just stood there and did nothing because that is what happens in oceanside.its weird seeing illegal shit happen and do nothing about it because you know that if you do, nothing good will come from it.god i feel sad for this country right now.nothing is going right.work sucks but i've just accepted the fact that i have to go and do it.i know i can get better pay elsewhere but im happy right now. i dont want to fucking change something thats going good. i really have no complaints.
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(no subject) [Jun. 18th, 2005|06:56 pm]
[music |neighbors gay ass dead kennedys music]

im pretty sure im going to spend the night by myself to night. i've got my bottle and thats all i really need.everyone else is at some block party.i just wrote stories today. pd turns 21 next month. i turn 19 in a week. its crazy.im going to go drink some whiskey and walk around town.
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(no subject) [May. 30th, 2005|05:14 pm]
i had a pretty good memorial weekend.last night my friends and i went to the beach and did some crazy shit. we went to these train tracks.(always a good way to start a story).and the tracks were on a side of a cliff and sand was at the bottom of the cliff and then the ocean. so we were walking down the tracks just faded and then trains started coming. we were off the track on the side but not more than 10 ft from the train. seeing train lights coming straight at you when you're fucked up in the head, can paralyze you for a few seconds or more.just stupid shit.
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(no subject) [May. 15th, 2005|10:58 pm]
[music |The Who- Teenage Wasteland]

i had a really good weekend.i cant remember what we did friday but i will in a minute. on saturday we went to the beach at Del Mar and just got drunk and then had a session on the beach. or atleast i did anyways.when i go to the beach there are only a few things i do at the beach. find girls to smoke with and getting faded off 5 dollar pints of vodka.last time i went to the beach i smoked some complete stranger out in his truck. i love going to the beach because you never know whats going to happen.and the girls are just beautiful.
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(no subject) [May. 8th, 2005|10:05 pm]
[mood |mellowmellow]
[music |Barrington Levy- Poor Man Style]

right now im listening to reggae music and watching magnum p.i. i really do watch that show too much.i didnt really do much today except lounge around and chief all day.mike and i cleaned our spot down by my trees in my backyard.we brought this huge cement bench from the frontyard to the back yard. it was so damn heavy we had to use this radio flyer red wagon to roll it down the hill. it looks alot better. we kinda landscaped it and cleared out all the dead limbs and fruit on the trees and the ground. and then when mike left for work, i grabbed the lastest SPIN issue a pillow, my ipod and layed on the bench underneath the tree. i was blazed and i just sat down and thought about the people in my life and everything around me and it was really peaceful and relaxing. the past 3 or 4 nights i've been getting faded every night. last night after mike got off work at 12 am we drank from 12 30 to 2 30. ususally we will just get 3 forties of steel reserve and like a 15 bag and the tape recorder and just chill out underneath the trees for hours.i've been working for my dad and i think i will keep working until i really just get tired of it and have enough money to just bail and take a trip to the east coast somewhere with a friend of mine.im going to go pound a red stripe and then hang out for a while.
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(no subject) [Apr. 27th, 2005|11:26 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Eric Clapton-Cocaine]

so i did end up quitting my job. im so much more happier now that im not working.my days are spent getting up early and crusing around,chiefing and then headin to the park to skate, or to the beach, or to go trekking out in the boonies and woods around town and getting tanked after my parents go to sleep in my backyard.its alot more adventurous and alot more fun.my dad gave me a video game after we went to the padres game. i dont really know why although i did tell him once i was going to buy one. so i've been videotaping skating and when im bymyself i get really eery and walk into the park and tape shit.i'll bring like a cassette player with like velvet underground's nico singing "all tomorrows parties" playing while im all tripped out in the woods.it just seems im not so dull anymore.yea im alittle less broke but i've set up a few jobs in the coming days till i go to work for my dad next weekend.im not worried about money really. im going to school and i dont have to pay to live here and if i eventually do have to do that or move out, i've got money aside. its all good. im happy.the past couple of days i've been staying up late till like 2, way after my friends leave, and going to the gas station and buying like a King Cobra or a tall can of Steele Reserve. king cobra is so easy to pound so i just chief a bit and then pass when im ready to go to sleep. and then i wake up at like 8 or 9 and call someone who has the day off and i hang out with them for half the day. it really amazes me how much i was missing.i think tomorrow im going to go visit my old tennis coach and talk to him for a bit and have a laugh or too.i think that'd be cool.
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it's wednesday [Apr. 20th, 2005|11:31 am]
[mood |indescribable]
[music |Stella was a diver and she was always down- Interpol]

i have work at 2. i almost quit my job this morning and left to washington. i have 3500 bucks saved up and like a grand in spending money and i was about to take the bus to the dmv, get insurance and my license and then go to my friends house and buy his truck and drive to washington. but i thought i might be rushing my self so i thought i'd wait another week or two, and actually plan this shit out.i dont really want to spend thousands of dollars for nothing other than a road trip.i really dont like living out here anymore.every day it's a struggle for me to do anything. i dont really do anything outside of work thats anything worth writing on here about. i'll be blunt. i smoke. thats pretty much all i do nowadays.and i can't stand the people im surrounding myself with.and coming home doesnt help either.my parents and i do not get along and i dont want them to have the family chemistry fucked up if im living here.its mutual. they want me out and i want out.my parents really want me to see a physcologist. im not paying for a friend, screw that.im officially graduated from high school now. my mom got real mad at me when i told her i didnt want a party or a dinner or anything.it seems theres no real desire or motivation in my life except to get as far away from my parents as i can. i dont even want them to know where i go.they dont really do anything to piss me off, its what they say and how they make me feel. they'll ask me questions like if im having a bad day "did you lose your job" or "when are you going back to college" when are you going to stop smoking cigarettes and they make it known that the other kids in our family are far higher achievers than i wil ever be.nobody wants to live in that shit.oh well fuck this shit. its supposed to be a day of celebration and all i can think about is dropping everything i know and leaving.im not really happy at my job and there isn't too much i can do about it either.im seriously tired of working 50 hrs a week or more.im tired of being the giant disappointment in the family.i know if i leave everyone will just freak out, not that im gone, but that i actually followed through on something i said i would do.
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(no subject) [Apr. 20th, 2005|11:15 am]
Legs to walk and thoughts to fly
Eyes to laugh and lips to cry
A restless tongue to classify
All born to grow and grown to die
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(no subject) [Apr. 14th, 2005|11:32 pm]
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |Entrance-Make Me A Pallat On Your Floor]

i've been listening to a lot of crazy shit recently. mostly reggae nowadays. im hoping to go to a don carlos show coming up soon at the house of blues. i particulary dont care for the house of blues or any of those damn places because they search the hell out of you. if you're going to a reggae show, you're more than likely going to bring weed.its ridiculous sometimes how they scare fans away like that.just fuck it. maybe im being irrational.i have work tomorrow. everyday when i wake up in the morning, i lay in my bed and have an arguement with myself.one side of me seriously wants to stay home from work, quit my job, taking my savings, and move to washington.and the other part of me says i have to go work. i have to go to work. i have to go to work. i have to go to work.i have to go to work.ihave to go to work.i have to go to work.ihave to go to work. i have to go to work.i have to go to work. i have to go to work.i have to go to work.i have to go to work.i have to go to work.and its the same old shit, just with a different shovel.it really is depressing working. i see why people go on rages and kill everyone at their work because i've found out that the majority of people i serve or cook food for are stupid people.it makes it worse when my friends come in to buy beer and to say whats up. it sucks.theres not much im looking forward to right now. maybe getting a car.im just afraid i'll do something really stupid and fuck up my life for a couple years if i do.
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(no subject) [Apr. 9th, 2005|01:29 am]
[mood |relievedrelieved]
[music |Eek-a-Mouse- Bitty Bong Bong]

i havent written in this for a long time.i guess because i have nothing else to do for 18 hours till i have work.i think it's because im high and bored and cant sleep.shit.so the pope died.i really dont know to much about the pope but that he was the head of the catholic religion or some shit. god's prophet or something.i do know that he was involved in hiding the priests who were accused of molesting boys.that is sickening to me.and i still cannot believe thousands of people stood outside his hospital window. shit the man couldnt speak, couldnt stand up and all he could do was nothing.it seemed like the only thing holding him up was puppet strings.im still working at the same fucking grocery store.the works not too hard and i just got a promotion and with that came a 1.50 raise. so im up to like 8.75 an hour.sweet.now i'll just get like a hundred bucks extra with each paycheck.i think.last weekend i went camping with my uncle in the mountains and it was awesome. just waking up in the wilderness early in the morning, toke a bowl and then just roam about the woods for a while.i only wish i could've stayed longer.hopefully by the end of this year i will have moved out of my parents home and up to washington state.i've been saving my money like crazy to make sure i can get the fuck out of here in a reasonable amount of time.i like san diego but i'd much rather be up in the mountains and in nature then living in this towne full of tweakers and people who are looking to do just crazy shit for no reason other than they're twacked out of their minds.it disgusts me living amongst these people.i am graduating soon and i will probably take some classes at a jc.like mythology or basic algebra or some shit.im so sick of the war(if you can call it that).im so sick of everything going on in the world right now. it honestly makes my head hurt and the only way i feel temporarily relieved is to do what you do after funerals.drink.and drink alot.or smoke alot. and then i truely dont give a fuck. there isnt much i have passion or motivation for anymore except getting out of my house and as far away as i can get from my parents in as short of time as possible.pd will be 21 in july. i'll be 19 in june.everything is just going so damn fast.im gonna go have a smoke and then pass.
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